who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
