Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
