Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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