matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
