using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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