the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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