I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
