Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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