Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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