I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
