Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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