I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
