I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
