I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize