Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
