Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
