sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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