after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
