people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
