is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
