I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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