I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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