even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize