A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
