So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
