you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
