Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
