Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
