we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
