Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The air taste purple.
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