We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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