mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize