my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would ride that face into the sunset
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
