I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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