He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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