I got chris browned last night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
