Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
