took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
