i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
