I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
