just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize