you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
