FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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