and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
