No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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