This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
