Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
