just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
