end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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