I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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