I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
