Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He shit in the fireplace
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
