The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
