I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
