You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize