Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am one with the molecules
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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