I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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