If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
