What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
