the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
