that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
