I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
