we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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