We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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