as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
