So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
