Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
