my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
